Monday, 25 October 2010

Another email from a Lib Dem minister to the party members

Today you may of noticed that we did something you don't agree with again. We know that this is not Liberal Democrat policy. We know you may of voted against this policy at one of the conferences. We know you put on the leaflets that we won't do this or indeed that. But we have just done the opposite of this in government anyway. That is because our policy was not realistic in these hard times or our Tory coalition partners right wing just can't stomach it. So we caved in, It is for the national interest after all.
Yes we know it looks bad, maybe because it is bad?
We also think it is a good idea to not release all of our plans that relate to the same subject together. Like say the CSR benefits cuts and IDS plans on benefits. We think it is best to do one thing at a time. Best to get the bad part of the story out the way first and then slowly add the good bits. If we get any small concessions on this thing you don't agree with then we will let you all know in a number of emails like we did with the Trident delay.
We also think that our members don't really understand why we are doing this. Therefore I felt it was best if we sent out this patronising email to our members just so you can understand what fairness means. We will also keep on telling you that everything is fair even when it appears not to be. Believe us it is fair, everything we do is very very fair. Honest. I can pledge that it is very very fair. So don't worry about it. It's ok this is how it is when your in government.
I know you love your party and it has taken decades to build the party up to the size it is now. It's not been easy. I know our hard working councillors are worried about losing their seats. Our activists are more nervous then usual about knocking on doors for claims of being a yellow Tory or some kind of sell out.
Again stop worrying. I won't worry too much about Labour voters after all they just voted for their least worse alternative. But I also wouldn't worry about Liberal Democrat voters because they will understand won't they (Students,Teachers,the poor and Civil servants aside). I'm sure they will come back, won't they?
Yes the public don't really understand how a coalition works. Problem is nor do we. Luckily we made this coalition agreement. We think it's really helpful if we keep telling voters that it was in the coalition agreement rather than Tory policy we agree with or Lib Dem policy the Tories agree with or a clear compromise between the two positions.
I can say that we are all in this together because we as ministers stand a very good chance of losing our seats in the next general election. So we will hang on to the bitter end. After all we can always say we sacrificed our party for the national interest. What can be more noble than that!
Today's link is to Paul Waugh who suggest that the Tories are increasingly fed up with Liberal Democrat concessions in Vince tweaks Osborne's tail


  1. You have no idea how much pleasure this post has given me. There is nothing more satisfying than seeing a nail hit well and truly on the head.

  2. How did I miss this? It's utterly genius! Nice one, Darren.